Relationship advice

I hate relationship threads, but I could do with some advice and this is the only forum i'm a member of, so...

In March me and my fiancee split up and it messed me up. I loved her so much that my brain went in to meltdown and I went into a depression that turned me into a mental and emotional wreck. I did stupid things and attempted things, anyway. It was a long and very dark road that i couldn't see the end of.

7 months later and things have started changing, I'm going to college,  I've started a band, I'm meeting new people and (this is the basis for this advice) I have started dating someone. I've told this girl where my head is and that i'm not ready for a relationship. I've told her that i'm still mentally and emotionally drained and I can't offer her the things that relationships needs to grow and prosper, but she says 'That's fine' and we can be 'more than friends'. The thing is I feel guilty. I know she likes me alot, but i feel like i'm using her as a crutch. I like her alot too, but I feel selfish (a trait that my ex pointed out oh so many times). Should i keep seeing her just because she makes me feel better about myself?? Is low self esteem a good reason for dating?? Should I wait until I feel better about myself??  Am I analyzing this to much?? I know relationships are usually related to teenagers but I'm a 40 year old man, who didn't think his life would travel this path.

Does anybody have any thoughts (I'd love to hear Ivy's, she always gives sound advice)

RDggg (lost in life)

Well, I think you should stay together, do things you both like, and eventually you should be back to your normal, non-depressed/melted brain, self.

Hmmm, the problem with that is because of the previous failed relationship, I am now very skeptical of how this will go. It's hard to disassociate one relationship from another. After all, it is living through mistakes and failures that influence future decisions.

Does anybody have any thoughts. I know this is a computer forum, so not many of you will have girlfriends  (only joking)

[Moderator]

Call Delilah...

Delilah......as in the TOM Jones song........already had her. 

[Moderator]

Well then dash off a quick e-mail to Ann Landers describing your dilemna....

That or wait for BC to show up.

wait for BC to show up.

Patio! I'm ashamed of you! How could you give someone such horrible advice!

Jk

Delilah? you mean Freddie Mercury's cat?


might add that "delilah" is also a Queen song...

Anyway, the important thing to remember, is that your own happiness is just as important as somebody elses- being called "selfish" just because you buy your bedridden grandmother a motorcycle and then use it as you please is nothing short... hey wait... what was I talking about... let me start over.


being called selfish just because you push your bedridden grandmother down the stairs... no, *censored*! let me try again...

being called selfish simply because you don't grovel before them and spend countless hundreds of thousands of dollars on exorbinant gifts, like motorcycl... NO! Not motorcycles, I mean, like diamond rings and so forth, and instead opt for say cubic zirconia, because otherwise you won't be able to buy your bedridden grandmother a new jetski, is... well, true, I suppose.

But therein lies the rub! Did you buy your bedridden grandmother a new jetski? a Motorcycle? Was the engagement ring Cubic Zirconia... and perhaps more to the point, did you only get Cubic Zirconia as opposed to diamond that because you wanted to buy a jetski? I think not. Therefore I declare you not selfish. And if you DID buy a jetski, you better give it to me, you know, prove your not actually selfish by giving.

P.S No, don't try to give me your bedridden grandmother. I'd have no place to put it. Also I prefer matched sets. preferably ones that can do card tricks or play poker.

[Moderator]

You are requesting relationship advice on a tech support forum. Personally, I think that tells me all I need to know about you

You are requesting relationship advice on a tech support forum. Personally, I think that tells me all I need to know about you

I hate relationship threads, but I could do with some advice and this is the only forum i'm a member of, so...

    

[Moderator]

Yeah, I saw that, but still........

For an advisor, you don't give much advice......oh yeah, I gotta stick to computers. I'm on a computer forum......in the 'Other' section.......and 'Off topic'...........nevermind. Just a thought. 

[Moderator]

Trust me, you don't want my advice on relationships 

Where's Ivy when I need her? 

I think the fact that you were honest with this person from the start is a good thing.  You didn't present yourself as something else, only then to say, "I've nothing to give you."  It's her choice, too, to be here.  The trick is not to throw that at each other in a fight, or if there's a misunderstanding.

Some people do well as loners.  Most of us aren't wired that way.

I've got tons more about this, but I have some things to do, so I have to run.