Found the below note to parents online. I think it could make
you chortle and pee your pants.
Dear Dumbassed Parents:
School staff does not equal bill collectors. Please make it possible for us to reach you during the day. While it's true that 99.9% of the time we're calling you because your kid is acting a d**n fool, there may be the rare chance that your kid is hurt or sick.
When your kid actually IS sick, it's bad for them and us to leave them waiting in the office for hours because we couldn't locate you to come get them. Please let us know when your phone number has changed, yes?
When it comes down to paying the cable bill or the utility bill/phone bill... dude. Pay the freakin' phone and/or utility bills first.
(Yes, I know this one for fact, as I had to copy these things as proof of residence during registration. I saw numerous cutoff notices for phone and utilities, but d**n if those cable and satellite bills were paid up.)
Please refrain from smoking weed in your car before attending a conference with your kid's teacher. It's tacky.
If you are going to name your kid after a car, make sure you've got the car's spelling correct. It's LEXUS. Not Lexxus, Le'xus, Da'Lexxus, DaLexiuss or DysLexicuss.
...Nor are you helping your kid when you give them a name with 12 consonants and three apostrophes.
...Nor are you helping your kid when you call them "Lil' ReeRee" or "Baby Girl" their entire lives, because they enter kindergarten not knowing what their real names are. Would that I were lying.
I'm guessing here, but I think it's safe to assume that it is not good for your kids to subject them to rap music on the way to school that is loud enough for me to hear as I walk across the parking lot, even with your windows up. It's even less good when said music is about shootin', slappin' your *censored*, pimpin' ho's, smokin' up blunts and icin' whitey.
I know you may be a single parent and you need to get kids to school and get yourself to work on time. And making a Burger King or McD's run on occasion is better than no breakfast at all. However, doing this every day is not so smart. You do realize it's much cheaper, and healthier, to buy a box of cereal and eat breakfast at home, right? Eh.
Do not complain to me about how my griping at your kid "hurt their feelings". Guess what? I don't give two turds. Nay, three. Maybe if you taught your little crotch droppling some manners, I wouldn't have to scream at them every two minutes.
When you come to your kid's school, remember that nighttime is not for several hours. That means you don't need to dress like you're out to get your freak on at 11 a.m. No skirts that are two sizes too tight and almost show buttcrack. No knee-high boots with stiletto heels. No hooker style fur jackets. Your shirt should not be so low cut that I can see the tattoo of your boyfriend's nickname on your right *censored*.
Teachers are not flunking your kid out of laziness or meanness... your kid truly is a f*****g idiot. You are not helping matters.
Signed: The Freaking Principal--->
Hello,Calum....ROTFLMAO
