This comes as no suprise...
Well DUH! the dutch are well known for banning obvious geniuses! Clearly it is all of us techie scanner types and perfect perfects who are at fault, the world over! His concepts and methodology are better then anything in existence, but we refuse to see the truth! OH! THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL! Why can't the rest of the human race see the genius that sits before them! Why must they reject his breakthrough ideas?
My guess would be that it's because he doesn't tell anybody what his breakthrough ideas are, and refuses to disclose his methods. This sort of brings into the question the possibly specious nature of it all; does he really have a method? probably not. I think he really is just some kind of troll. After all, he purposely confused AV scanner with CCleaner and registry cleaners and essentially put words in our mouth through implication.
Actually, I can pretty well guarantee he won't get banned from TDWTF. There are a few people with insane ideas that they keep around for entertainment. Maybe he and SpectateSwamp (WHAT! you've never heard of him? He's
FAMOUS!) and create ASDSRSS, AlbertSwamp Desktop search and revolutionary Scanning System, which of course has the following features:
- Installs cleanly, without causing any problems, ever, on any of a million different possible PC configurations. Because testing a million configurations is certainly possible.
- Doesn't leave any files behind. Swampies hate when they lose control their hoard, you see.
Now, it may seem that I'm being premature; but seriously, this was a post about spectateswamp: (not by me, unfortunately, and a lot of it has some inside references about his... err.. "habits", which are of course not shared by Erik.)
SS: "This is the best bridge ever. I am so amazed at what it can do."
Us: "Dude, first of all, it crosses a swamp. Why didn't you just build a landbridge? Second of all, at the very end of the bridge the road just ends, what's the point?"
SS: "It's incomplete I know, but that's where you come in. I need you to finish the road. It's amazing what this bridge can do."
Us: "It's made of plasterboard, though. It's just going to soak up in the swamp and in just a few hours it will be soggy."
SS: "You need to buy my "WR" compound which resists water and prevents leaking."
Us: "But that makes it hard to maintain. If you had just used stone, treated wood, or steel, you wouldn't need this compound... why is it called "WR" anyway?"
SS: "It's 'WR' for water recall because it recalls the water. Give it a try. You'll be surprised."
Us: "Why not call it-- oh, nevermind. That's besides the point. Why don't you tell us why you didn't use steel?"
SS: "You perfect-perfects need to use steel for your projects because it makes you feel important. My plaster is simple, and everyone can understand it. My grandmother makes papermache crafts, so even she can use it."
Us: "They don't need to understand truss design to cross a bridge! That's for the engineers to figure out!"
SS: "Oh by the way, I added a drawbridge to the bridge. You just need to stomp your feet 6 times to get it up. I just love this bridge."
Us: "But who is going to go under the bridge in a swamp?! That's completely useless!"
SS: "I also added an option to pivot the bridge to a random location. Oh man you are going to love random-random."
Us: "Random random... what?! WHAT IS THE POINT?!?"
SS: "People won't always know where the bridge will take them. It's exciting. Oh how I love this bridge. It can be used anywhere. Anywhere."
Us: "You didn't answer my first question. Why do people need to understand steel? I mean, there's no friggen way this bridge could ever cross even a small river. It only somewhat works here because it's in a shallow swamp. If you wanted to put it over the Mississippi River or the San Francisco bay where it would actually be of use, there's no way this bridge could last 5 minutes."
SS: "Yip yap yip yap. You are all talk and no do. Let's do a showdown."
Us: "Okay, my grandfather helped build the Golden Gate bridge, which handles 500,000 cars a day and has not seen a single structural failure in its long history. Beat that."
SS: "I added some pivot points to the bridge so it can be even more random. Random-random is going to cure cancer some day. Oh this bridge is so great."
Us: "FOCUS, SPECTATE! We're talking about the showdown."
SS: "The bridge can now be moved up and down the length of the swamp so you don't have to begin and end at the same place every time. Other perfect-perfects claim you need to always begin and end at the same point that is boring. My bridge is better because of that. When your Golden Gate special yip yappy perfect-perfect fancy bridge can sprout legs and connect San Francisco to San Jose, then you can talk."
Us: "There's no body of water separating San Francisco with San Jose! And even if there was, you just build a new bridge. What if some people want to get to Marin County and the other people want to go to San Jose?"
SS: "You perfect-perfects overcomplicate everything. Only my swamp bridge can do what your bridges could never do. I do love this bridge."
Us: "You lose the showdown. The golden gate does much more than your stupid little bridge does."
SS: "I went to a painting forum to tell people how I paint my bridge. First I have to drain the swamp and then paint everything and then fill the swamp back. Those yippie yappies don't know what they're talking about. They banned me in 30 minutes. Boo to them. Boo"
Us: "They banned you because your solution was ridiculous. Draining the swamp? Really? Again, you'd have to drain the Pacific Ocean and the San Francisco Bay in order to do that to the Golden Gate. Besides, you don't paint under water. That's just stupid."
SS: "I wonder if you can build a bridge to San Jose with the same simplicity as my bridge."
Us: "THERE IS NO BRIDGE TO SAN JOSE. Perhaps you're talking about Oakland? Perhaps I could build an overpass over US-101 on the way to San Jose, but your bridge wouldn't even survive that. Face it: Your bridge does you just fine because only you are using it... but for the mass public, it is useless to them. Your bridge can't withstand a Big Wheel much less a tractor trailer."
SS: "I showed the bridge to some of my golfing buddies. They were able to play golf on the bridge because there was a hole I need to patch on it which doubled as a golf hole. It was JUST the right size. Oh the possibilities with this bridge are endless."
Us: "Are you sure they weren't mocking your bridge by playing golf on it? Why is there a hole in the bridge? I thought you said this was the best bridge in the world"
SS: "Little holes and other things are no match for the random-random and shifting this bridge does. Wait until the public really sees the bridge. It will knock the socks off of the Golden Gate and the Brooklyn Bridge. I bet they are shivering in their boots now. Boo to the perfect-perfect engineers who have to overcomplicate. Booo. This bridge is good. Maybe too good."
Us: "Little holes are just what safety inspectors look for. They'll never even approve your bridge if it has holes. The Brooklyn Bridge is a technical marvel if you look at when it was created. In fact, it was created in the 19th century and it's still far greater in architecture than your dinky little piece of crap.
SS: "The Brooklyn Bridge is useless if I want to go to New Jersey. All you are doing is yapping about how marvelous the bridge is when it doesn't do half the things it should do, like take me across the Hudson. Oh my bridge could do it all."
Us: "Then you take the GW or the Holland Tunnel. The Brooklyn Bridge doesn't move because even if it was an easy feat, people would be pissed that they have to wait for the bridge if it's on the Hudson when they want to cross the East River. Face it: YOUR BRIDGE IS POINTLESS TO EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU"
SS: "Come to Alberta. I'm doing SS-training in the swamp shack. I'll make a convert out of you just like I did the golfers. Now they're using the bridge everywhere. Brooklyn Bridge can't touch this bridge. Not even the floating Seattle bridge. While I was moving my bridge north up the swamp, I noticed some dino skins. They look amazing. If I didn't have the random-random moving option on the bridge I would have never found them. Oh, this bridge could save so many people. Maybe too many."
Us: "THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE YOU RETARD."
SS: "I'm waiting for that showdown. I am going to school you perfect-perfects."
Us: "We did a showdown. You lost. Game over."
SS: "My bridge now has a random-random golf option. Holes form in the bridge just as you start playing. The golf swampies love it. Give it a try."
Now, there are far too many things here that can be applied to both. "my method works better then the rest of yours" etc etc. pretty much "I go against the entire industry because my way is better" seems to be the theme.
I really think Spectate's Program can be improved, with the masterful guidance of a certain entrepreneurs as-of-yet-untold and highly secret methods. Obviously they are secret because they could destroy the world with the sheer power and obvious logic they contain, not because they don't exist and are a whimsical fiction. The combination of spectateswamps SUPER AWESOME programming skill (his ability to write in deprecated, 12 year old languages is unmatched), and ErikAlberts ability to exploit that skill with a complete disregard for morals is what makes them a powerful duo. See, he could get spectate to write a PERFECT scanner program that uses his (again, highly top secret, to the point where he is being hunted down by dutch agents) top secret methods (which of course nobody understands but him, clearly, this is because of his far higher IQ, and we should not be ashamed to admit that he is far smarter, despite not actually proving that these methods really exist, but only making oblique references and implied comparisons (generally that his methods are better, he had to overcome certain difficulties, etc). Spectateswamp can stick a noodle and jam out a new program with scanner abilities, and perhaps throw in a little random random scanning, where it scans random files as well. They will become famous and make millions of dollars, invest in a complex of swampshacks and spread the methodology around. Or, well, probably not, it being top-secret and requiring a quadruple digit IQ. Us Techie scanner types will have to suffer with our dismally smaller brain capacity. Really, I wonder sometimes how we can even be bothered to live, knowing that we can never ever compare to the accomplishments of the great ErikAlbert, and his top-secret methods that he refuses to disclose. Every night I will pray to the holy ErikAlbert and hope that he will bestow upon us unclean masses a tidbit- even of the smallest size, of his immeasurably vast wisdom, in the hopes that one day, our brazen and uneducated minds may attempt to wrap around a nugget of his holy wisdom, only to clearly fail. "Do not worry, my children" he will say, "you cannot yet understand my methods, nobody understands them, but perhaps one day, you will all know the truth" And we will bow our heads, knowing we dissapointed him.
Also, Bears.
