Lucille, I don't know what you decided to do but yes it is safe for you to delete those two files. The SMTP.ocx file is the library file that your ex talked about that gives his malware the ability to e-mail information to him. I agree that reformatting and installing Windows again is the only way to be 100% certain that your computer is no longer compromised. If that simply isn't an option for you then you can still boot into safe mode and run HJT and post the logfile here and I will have a look at it for you.
- JPH