ok wierd since im stepping in a bit late but here goes!
ok so you say its the same no matter which card you use, wired or wireless. so throw out the tcp issue since both cards use different tcp connections. its a program pure and simple. you installed an AOL update. try disabling the AOL and use just internet explorer and outlook for your email. my wife gets the same problem with AOL but without it, it works just fine. try that and then get back to us.