And I'm a sideways, bottle-licking SD-card carrying member of the "people who take both advil and tylenol simultaneously under the false impression that the ingredients of each when mixed together form a potent drug cocktail that makes methamphetamines look tame" club, and My mother was a Craftsman blender, my father, a Coffee machine. Mr.Coffee. Then one day my mother left us, saying she needed to get her blade sharpened, and we haven't seen her since. Although I have posters of panoramas from social gatherings and we play a game of "where's the Craftsman Blender" with them. We've found Radio Shack blenders, Black And decker blenders, and even a esoteric Disney model, but no Craftsman blender.
Then I suddenly realized that craftsman didn't make blenders, and I woke up. The End.